This weekend I am hosting a graduation party for my son who will be going off to Colorado in 6 very short weeks. Here is what I am feeling:
Pride – I love to look at this boy/man and see the courage and determination that he has developed. I continue to marvel at his strength and to keep my mind open and learn from his enthusiasm, youth and honesty.
Sadness – There has been a lot of leaving in my life in the past year and this will be one more. It is a sweet one in that it is what we both want but I will miss him in my daily life.
Elation – I haven’t lived alone for over 30 years!
Fear – I haven’t lived alone for over 30 years!
Elation/Fear – This is the unknown. What will my evenings look like? Will I be inspired or lonely? Will I start eating dinner over the sink or serve myself candlelit dinners? Will the phone ever ring if I’m the only one home? Will I turn into the crazy cat lady or will I have (as my grandmother used to say) “beaus” lining up at the door?
Peace – This is what I feel when I stop and remember to breathe; remember that I can only live right now, right here. Remember that I want to enjoy this process and feel each step as I walk along. The rest will come.
Intention – As I start down this new road, I am setting this intention: I will pay attention to my life by noticing where I am and what it feels like. I will move my focus away from tomorrow and away from yesterday to experience today in the most aware way possible. I will pay attention to my art by respecting its power in my life and keeping it close. I will practice. I will practice. I will practice.
I will breathe.
